Category: Rant

Falling back on my improv training…

Posted on by John R

Sometimes you throw shit at the wall to see what sticks, and sometimes you just have to laugh at the process.

I had done all of my due diligence before heading to the store on Saturday. It was right before the Polar Vortex1 hit, and with the impending winter weather the emergency French toast run2 was in full swing. I assumed it was going to be crazy at the store, so I wanted to have a thorough grocery list to get me through recipes I wanted to be prepared to cook.

(Today’s source recipes:
1. This recipe3 courtesy of Great British Chefs;
2. This recipe4 courtesy of the Out of the Ordinary blog;
3. This recipe5 courtesy of Lior Lev Sercarz of La Boite.)

As they say, no plan survives first contact with the enemy. I just didn’t realize how quickly that first contact would occur.

Engagement #1:

The first thing I do when I go to the grocery store is head to the deli. I look over the deli counter selection, and someone comes up to help me.

“Do you have pancetta behind the counter?”

“No, we only have it pre-packaged and diced.”

He takes me over to the packaged deli section.

The good news: He’s wrong. They have it sliced. They have it diced as well, but that doesn’t do me much good if I want to wrap fish in it for cooking.

The bad news: Each package contains 6 slices. For four pieces of fish, I need 8 slices. Each package costs $5.99. Spending $12 on pancetta was not in the mental budget I had set up.

I knew the neighborhood grocery store wasn’t great, but it didn’t occur to me that they wouldn’t have pancetta sliced to order. Ah well, I’m an improviser at heart. I’m sure there’s other options. I can probably work with good bacon, if nothing else.

Engagement #2:

I head over to the produce section to check out the herbs. Unlike Central Markup678910, almost all of the fresh herbs are pre-packaged. I find the (overpriced) basil I’m looking for that will be used in a different dish, but I don’t see any tarragon.

Well, fuck!!! It’s really damned hard to make pistachio tarragon aioli without fresh tarragon.

That’s OK. I pull my phone out of my pocket and start looking for pistachio aioli recipes without tarragon. After just a little bit of searching, I find this recipe11 from the Irish Times that includes parsley instead of tarragon. This works for what I’m looking for. There’s lots of both Italian and curly-leaf parsley there. A bunch of parsley is like $1.50, and I don’t even need to pick up an ingredient for the original aioli.

Engagement #3:

I wasn’t planning on making the entirety of the original fish recipe, but I like the idea of roasted fennel, and I was planning on incorporating it into the meal. Moreover, I had a different recipe I was planning on making that was dependent on the fennel.

I look around the produce department, and there’s no fennel bulbs.

Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do NOW?! I guess fennel isn’t an essential flavor in the meal I was planning to cook…

The remainder of the actual shopping trip was fairly uneventful. I found center-cut bacon available for $5.99, and there was enough to put six half-slices around each of the cod fillets I had purchased. It wouldn’t be pancetta, but it would be close.

I checked out at the grocery store and ordered a Lyft to get home. I’m standing outside waiting for the driver when I realize I completely forgot the cannellini beans for the bean dish I was planning.

The driver pulled up, took one look at the cart full of groceries I had, and said that there wasn’t room for me and my groceries in his car12. He said he’d cancel the ride and get someone else to pick me up.

Engagement #4:

I have a cart full of bagged groceries and a few minutes to go in to grab the beans I forgot to get. It feels awkward as hell, but I take the cart back in to the store to grab cannellini beans.

They don’t carry cannellini beans.

At this point I think the grocery gods are just fucking with me13.

The closest thing I can find to cannellini beans is mayocoba beans14, so I grab a bag of those. I also grab a bag of Carnaroli rice15 and head to the self-checkout. I flag down one of the self-checkout monitors to make sure I’m not going to get in trouble for trying to steal anything, then check out and make it outside to meet the Lyft driver.

Engagement #5:

I made it home without incident. I got all of the groceries put away, then decided to prepare for dinner. The pistachio parsley aioli could be made in advance and refrigerated, so I decided to go ahead and prepare that.

Print Recipe
Featured Recipes

Pistachio cilantro aioli

Author: John R Cooking Method: Courses:
Difficulty: Beginner

Ingredients

Instructions

  1. Using an immersion blender, give the pistachios and cilantro a blitz until a somewhat chunky crumb is achieved. Add the capers and 30mL of the olive oil and whizz until an even crumb is achieved.

  2. Whisk together the egg yolk and the minced garlic. Slowly add in the remaining olive oil in small batches, whisking vigorously until the egg and oil are emulsified. Add the lemon juice once about half of the oil has been added.

  3. Combine the pistachio/cilantro crumble with the egg/oil emulsification, then add the balsamic vinegar. Whisk to combine, then add additional oil or water to adjust consistency. Add salt, pepper, lemon juice, and/or balsamic vinegar to taste.

I grabbed the curly-leaf parsley and shoved it into a plastic bag without a thought – only to realize when I got home that I had grabbed cilantro instead.

This probably wouldn’t have been much of a setback if I weren’t one of the unfortunate minority for whom cilantro tastes like soap.

Engagement #6:

I couldn’t make myself buy two packages of pancetta to wrap the cod when I could do it with one package of center-cut bacon.

Print Recipe
My Recipes

Bacon-wrapped cod fillets

Author: John R Cooking Method: , Courses: Recipe Keys: B bacon C cod
Cook Time 20 mins

Ingredients

Instructions

  1. Slice the center-cut bacon strips in half. Wrap the cod fillets with six half-strips of bacon in an oven-safe cast iron skillet. Cook, seam-side up until the bacon is crisp, 6-8 minutes, then flip. Place the skillet in an oven preheated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, then cook until the cod is cooked through, 5-8 minutes. 

So, yeah, in this instance bacon doesn’t work nearly as well as it seems that pancetta would. Approximately zero of the fat rendered out of the bacon, and it never got crisp, so the bacon was just cooked pieces of fat. This can, in fact, be tasty, but it is not what this recipe is looking for.

Engagement #7:

The source recipe is for “Tuscan white beans”, not cannellini beans specifically. I can probably get 90% of the way there with the mayocoba beans I purchased instead.

Print Recipe
My Recipes

Mayocoba beans with charred spinach

Author: John R Cooking Method: , Cuisine: Courses: Recipe Keys: B beans
Difficulty: Intermediate Cook Time 90 mins

Ingredients

Spice Blend

Beans

Spice Blend

Spice Blend

  1. Grind the bay leaves, fennel seeds and cumin seeds together finely, then add the ancho chile powder.

Beans

  1. Set Instant Pot to sauté mode. Add 2 tablespoons olive oil to the bowl and heat until shimmering. Add diced onions and cook until softened and browning, 4-6 minutes. Add the mayocoba beans and 10 cups water to the bowl of the Instant Pot, then set to Pressure Cook and attach the lid, locking it into place securely. Set the pressure cook cycle for 2 minutes, then let it pressure and cook. Let the pressure vent naturally until safe to open.

  2. While the mayocoba beans are venting, place a Dutch oven over high heat and add the remaining olive oil to the pot. Heat until shimmering. Add the spinach to the Dutch oven, smoothing out such that as many of the leaves are subjected to the olive oil and charring. Stir the leaves, adding more olive oil as necessary to make sure all of the leaves wind up charred black and the olive oil is dark green, about 10 minutes.

  3. Drain the beans and onions into a colander, then rinse well. Add the beans and onions to the charred spinach and oil, then add half of the spice blend and salt to taste. Cook for 2-3 minutes, stirring continuously. Add the balsamic vinegar and enough water to cover the beans (3-4 cups), then cover and turn the burner on high. Once the contents of the Dutch oven are boiling, remove the cover, reduce the heat to allow the beans to simmer, then cook until beans are cooked thoroughly, 40-60 minutes. 

I get the mayocoba beans into the pressure cooker for the soak, then start heating up the oil for charring the spinach…

…and the smoke alarm goes off. I go to reset the smoke alarm, open the doors to the patio…

…and the smoke alarm goes off again. I go to reset the smoke alarm and fan the smoke away from the alarm…

…and the OTHER smoke alarm goes off. That one is not at a height I can reach standing on the ground, so I have to get up precariously on a chair with my CROW boot and press the button…

…and it won’t reset. One of the members of the tasting panel comes in and asks if she can help, Because she has fingernails, she’s able to get that smoke alarm to reset while I go get the spinach to char, then complete cooking the beans.

Thoughts:

1) The good news is that the meal tasted a lot better than it looked. That’s good news because the meal looked pretty awful.

2) My favorite component of the meal was by far the aioli. I still think cilantro tastes like soap, but prepared in this manner, not only does it taste good, but it goes very well with the bacon-wrapped cod.

3) One member of the tasting panel tells me that the cod is the worst thing I’ve cooked since starting this project. I ask for clarification, giving a reminder of the pork curry and coo coo fiasco; they say that the main issue with that was the consistency, whereas the cod doesn’t go well with the other flavors in the meal I cooked.

Verdict:

Taste: 6.5/10. I really liked the aioli. I liked the cod, and could live with the beans. Given the other feedback, this particular recipe/combo needs some additional rethinking.
Accessibility: 6/10. This is the first time I’ve purchased any fish other than tuna from the seafood counter at a grocery store. I also don’t routinely stock cilantro.
Story: 9/10. I mean, you’ve got the protagonist fighting through progressively more and more absurd issues in order to get a decent meal on the table. It may not be high drama, but at least it’s funny.

Administrivia:

Nothing much new to report. I’ve engaged with a Fiverr designer to help me come up with a logo, typography, and style guide so I can make the site look a lot more like I was hoping it would. The designs are not due for a week, however.

Two meals in the backlog now.

  1. So named because it reminds us all of how much ERCOT sucks. ↩︎
  2. Bread, eggs, milk — the three things grocery stores always sell out of when there’s white stuff in the forecast around here. ↩︎
  3. https://www.greatbritishchefs.com/recipes/pancetta-wrapped-cod-fennel-risotto-recipe ↩︎
  4. https://outoftheordinaryfood.com/2014/02/12/pistachio-almond-and-tarragon-mayonnaise/ ↩︎
  5. https://www.laboiteny.com/blogs/recipes/white-beans-with-charred-spinach ↩︎
  6. Central Market is derisively known as Central Markup. It’s a subsidiary of H-E-B, and it is an amazing grocery store where it’s not uncommon to spend $200 on two paper bags’ worth of groceries. ↩︎
  7. H-E-B has migrated north to DFW, but that doesn’t mean they’ll deign to put an actual H-E-B store in Dallas County. There are Central Markets, and there are other H-E-B brands that are opening in other portions of the county, but no actual H-E-B stores, despite the fact that they own a property less than 5 miles from where I live. ↩︎
  8. I’m not bitter. Please don’t put in the newspaper that I got bitter. ↩︎
  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU-k_sxb7S0&list=OLAK5uy_mKN0pCwkW1XNoViqlntiRMQrfAu9TiVkY&index=5 ↩︎
  10. https://twitter.com/dril/status/549425182767861760?lang=en ↩︎
  11. https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/food-and-drink/recipes/pistachio-aioli-1.1343051 ↩︎
  12. It’s me and one cart of groceries. Should I really have to reserve anything other than a basic Lyft to carry that?! ↩︎
  13. Either that or I’ve been cast in some alternate-universe version of Cutthroat Kitchen without my knowledge. ↩︎
  14. https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/mayocoba-beans/ ↩︎
  15. https://www.johncooking.com/2024/01/15/a-meat-a-starch-a-veg/ ↩︎

You can cook with this, or you can cook with that…

Posted on by John R

Is there anything more soul-satisfying than making a meal out of repurposed leftovers?

Don’t remind me how behind I am on getting posts written and uploaded. Every time I look up, I’m expecting to see a Sword of Damocles with a fraying rope hanging there.

Fortunately, it’s not that serious…yet. However, how am I supposed to let my accountability partners know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing without frequent updates?

(FYI, this post is in regards to a meal cooked the evening of 1/4/24.)

Thursday’s cookapalooza left me with lots of leftovers…which was kinda the point, if I’m being perfectly honest. I had plenty of slow cooker mojo pork that I had not broiled (I pulled it out of the slow cooker and put it in a zip-top bag immediately to use the next day). I made too much rice. I cooked way too many black beans.

The traditional fix for leftover rice? Fried rice.
A traditional use for leftover miscellaneous ingredients? A frittata.

What if you combined them?

I found a post about a crispy rice frittata using leftover rice on the Bon Appétit website. I saved a bookmark to it, then when I went back to view the bookmark, I was unceremoniously informed that I had exceeded my views for the month without buying a subscription. To quote noted philosopher Stephanie Tanner1: “How rude!”

I went in search for other ideas regarding the crispy rice frittata. I really didn’t find them…save for a Yahoo! article2 that is nothing but a straight copy of the Bon Appétit story I originally found3.

The linked article is more about a process more than a recipe, but I still needed flavor ideas. Searching for ideas involving asparagus and goat cheese, I found inspiration in a recipe post by Food52 contributor Micki Barzilay for paella4(?!).

pinit
Print Recipe

Crispy rice frittata

Author: John R Cooking Method: , Cuisine: Courses: Recipe Keys: E eggs L leftovers R rice
Difficulty: Beginner Cook Time 45 mins

Ingredients

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

    Put an oven-safe cast-iron skillet onto the stove and turn the burner to medium-high heat. Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil and heat until shimmering. Add leftover meat and sauté until most is well-caramelized, about 5 minutes. Place on a plate with several paper towel sheets to drain.

  2. Add another tablespoon of the olive oil. Add the asparagus and cook until softened and edges are slightly browned, 3-5 minutes. Remove the asparagus to another portion of the plate where the meat is draining.

  3. Add another tablespoon of the olive oil. Add the chopped red peppers and cook until they have taken on a little color and are fragrant, 2-3 minutes. Remove the peppers to the paper towel-covered plate.

  4. Add the last tablespoon of the olive oil. Add the shallots and cook until very dark, 3-4 minutes. Add the leftover rice and stir together thoroughly, then pat the mixture down and leave to cook for 10 minutes, or until the bottom layer of rice is crispy. Turn the burner off and remove from heat.

  5. Crack the eggs into a large bowl. Whisk the eggs together until well-beaten, then add salt and pepper to taste. Add the crumbled goat cheese and whisk with the egg mixture until well-combined.

  6. Assemble the frittata in the skillet:

    Sprinkle the handful of Chihuahua cheese over the rice. Make sure the caramelized leftover meat is well-drained, then add atop the cheese layer. Add the asparagus and red peppers next, scattering all across the top of the frittata. Add the marinated artichoke hearts, making sure to scatter well. Pour the egg and goat cheese mixture all over the skillet, making sure all of the ingredients are pushed down as much as possible to submerge them.

  7. Take the assembled skillet and transfer it to the oven. Let the frittata cook for 20-30 minutes, until the liquid has evaporated. Remove the skillet from the oven and let rest for 5-10 minutes. Use a spatula to run around the edges of the skillet, pulling the frittata away, then turn the frittata out onto a serving vessel. Cut into wedges and serve. 

Keywords: leftovers, rice, eggs

(No, I was not at all confident flipping that out like that was going to work. I had a fallback picture just in case.)

Thoughts:

1) I didn’t know my brain was capable of putting together the phrase “too much goat cheese”. There were definitely certain bites in which the goat cheese overwhelmed, well, everything else.

2) I definitely should have drained the pork I used a LOT better than I did. The dish was pretty greasy and ran all over the cutting board after I flipped it out.

3) One of the jury of my peers was not aware that this was an egg dish. After eating it, I can’t blame them. This was definitely the least egg-forward frittata I’ve ever eaten.

Verdict:

Taste: 7.5/10. I’ll definitely be using this technique again with different flavors in different proportions. There was just too much stuff and not enough egg.
Availability: 9.5/10. Assuming leftover rice, the most demanding thing this recipe requires is a large quantity of eggs. Everything else can be some combination of pantry staples and leftovers.
Story: 8.5/10. I had to fix a little bit of the top of the frittata when I flipped it out, but I’m pretty damned impressed by how it looked out of the skillet. There’s also the fact that I made a frittata where the egg was an afterthought, which is darkly humorous.

Administrivia:

I’m leaving this tonight while still being one post and recipe behind. I’m working on catching up, but…

Figuring out how to create recipes wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be with the YouTube videos. I’m still annoyed by a few things with the plugin (or, more likely, the interaction between theme and plugin), but support has been very responsive thus far.

I had planned for weeks to be Monday-Sunday, but with an upcoming out-of-town trip in which we’re doing belated holidays due to my eye issues in late December, I may have to count the meal I cooked Sunday as one of the three for this week.

I’m also in the process of indexing a cookbook for the Eat Your Books site. I was not familiar with the site until recently, but it’s a very cool way to organize which cookbooks you own and, as they are indexed, be able to search the included recipes by ingredient. You can also index recipe sites and, as those sites are updated, the recipes automagically upload to be available.

(Originally I was hoping to be able to create my own recipes via the site, but all I could do was put ingredients in, not any sort of cooking instructions.)

The first cookbook I was going to index was considered too…overwhelming for someone indexing their first cookbook. It’s still on my list, but in the meantime I’m in the process of indexing a cookbook put out by the Shiner brewery. (You’d be surprised how many Welsh rabbit recipes there are without any of our leporine5 friends.)

The bigger point: It’s one thing posting recipes and cooking misadventures for people who know me and who, on the whole, aren’t taking this very seriously. Should I really go through the hoops of indexing all of my recipes for EYB and making them easily accessible for people who would use them as an actual resource6?!

  1. I’m not going to force references to sitcoms from my teenage years into every single one of my posts, but if there’s an opportunity… ↩︎
  2. https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/crispy-rice-frittata-where-leftover-100000764.html ↩︎
  3. I am nothing if not incredibly petty regarding paywalls like this. Don’t throw up arbitrary blocks to information; give me a reason to want to pay for content. I subscribe to enough newspapers and magazines that it’s a viable business model in my case. ↩︎
  4. https://food52.com/recipes/7184-paella-verdura ↩︎
  5. Yes, I did have to look that one up. ↩︎
  6. If I understand correctly, it would be easier to do this now as opposed to building up more of a backlog of recipes to add/index. I’m not going to do this until I get the site to where I want it to be aesthetically…which at this rate may take months. ↩︎